Consistency and agreements
CAN and CANNOT: clear and consistent agreements.
With clear statements, choices, routines, and picture notes, you work on preventing any struggle before it happens.
This can also be reinforced during the event and experience by planning for clear CANS and CANNOTS using picture notes or visualisation.
Think ahead. What are the things you can let go of, what are the things you can let go of, and what are the non-negotiables? It is up to you, you are at the steering wheel, and you should reflect on your child's choices. Remember that having choices de-stresses the brain, allows for more genuine cooperation, and trains good thinking.
Scenario
We’re about to go into the store. Let’s talk about what will happen. I’ll keep track of our story with picture notes. I have two colours…which colour do you want to use? Great job choosing. You probably know most of this story already, but our brains will have fun remembering, thinking, and planning.
Step #1
What CAN’T we get today? <DRAW: candy, corn puffs, ice cream…>
You’re right, we won’t get candy today. What else CAN’T we get? ...Chocolate milk…sugar pops cereal…ice cream…what else?
What CAN’T we do with our bodies in the store? <DRAW: run, yell, touch…>
You’re right, there is no running in the store. Great thinking! You’re right, you can’t touch all the stuff on the shelves as you walk by. Great remembering!You can’t stand in the cart…great thought. Also, you can’t ask me over and over for things that we say aren’t choices today, although you could draw a picture note and save it for later!"Make sure the typical problem areas are included!
What will happen if something from the CAN’T list happens? If you run, what will happen? <DRAW: child hand on cart>
That’s right…I’ll keep you safe. If you start touching items on shelves, what will happen? <DRAW: arrow to the picture of child’s hand on cart>
If you ask for candy, what will happen? You’re right, I’ll say no…. but, what else can you do to help you remember it for later? Yes, you can draw a picture note for yourself!
How many sticky notes do you want to carry to keep track of things you might want some other day? Great job thinking about that!
Now…What CAN we get today? <DRAW: milk, eggs, apples, bananas…>.
You’re right, we can pick out milk. I’ll take it off the shelf. Do you want to put it in the cart or should I? What else CAN we get? We can get apples, that’s right! What colour should we get? Red, great. How many? Four? That’s a perfect number!
Good job planning ahead for our trip inside the store! Here’s a question for your brain: What will happen if you keep doing things from the CAN list?
Sure, we can keep track of stars on your sticky note and put them on the success chart at home! Great idea!
Step #2
Next, ask the child to repeat/retell the “Story. “So let’s look & remember.
What CAN’T we do today? Great job remembering… What CAN we do? Wow, you & your brain can pay attention!”
Step #3
Get Going with Choices!“Okay, let’s use our brains to make sure our bodies are calm as we walk into the store. How many Bird Breaths should we take? One. Great.Do you want to hold onto our pictures or do you want me to? Great choosing. Which hand will you hold as we go in? Great job thinking.”