It is when there is no agreement between people. When we have them with our child, it can create a lot of stress and aggravation. 

 

• Fast moving (because the child keeps targeting new angles).

• Fast pace is the child’s, not yours. 

• When the child pushes limits (tests, argues) and you engage (argue, bargain).

• When you say anything other than your Clear Statement or Repeated Choices.

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Why do children test limits? To find structure and solid grounds.

• If they CONSISTENTLY find consistent boundaries, they relax (lower stress).

• If they CONSISTENTLY find consistent structure,  they will reduce fighting back. 

• To test consistency (“Will the same thing happen this time?”).

• To try and find predictability (“If I do this, then what will happen?”).

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